Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
