I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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