U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's always time for handjobs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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