meet me or not, i'm out of control
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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