am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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