Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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