So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
