I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
