they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
