i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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