you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize