yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
