my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I think I have vodka in my lungs
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
