I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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