So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
