I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I can text with my tongue
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
