I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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