You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize