Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
