Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
