You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
