I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
