the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
