Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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