I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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