I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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