I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
