i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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