Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize