I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
