Your face is a jimmy john
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
