She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
