turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
