so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
