Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize