So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
