I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
