Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
