One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
