I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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