It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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