You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
