so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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