I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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