i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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