I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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