It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
