Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
