my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
