After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
