Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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