Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
