Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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