Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
