I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
