some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
