I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
