I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my liver is dry heaving
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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