pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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