There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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