Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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