fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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