I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
