yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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