Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
two words...techno handjob
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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