Tell her she can't have a vagina
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drake has all the answers
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
