Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
