I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
