the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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