I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
