so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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