Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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