he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My ATM looks so different sober.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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