There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
