i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
